Wow, I just got hit with a pretty intense wave of sadness thinking about my dad's death a year and a half ago.
I started wondering whether or not he knew he was dying when he reclined back in his chair. I figured that he did not... then a strong feeling of dispair hit me when I decided that he didn't know what was going on and he may not have know that the walk back to the house and to his recliner were the last moments of his consciousness. I broke down and cried for a few minutes -- the first time that I've really cried really profoundly since the day after his death.
The despair that I felt was based on the knowledge that all of his plans for retirement were dashed. Why the hell didn't his cardiologist order a cardiolite test for him? I wish that dad had come to me and asked me to ask Lizette for the name of a good cardiologist in Greensboro. Instead he got some lamer without any imagination.
My dad deserved more than to work his whole life and die just before retirement just because some cardiologist never imagined that something might be wrong with him. I still feel that my dad could have been spared this pointless death had he gotten a proper diagnosis and treatment.
At least I can talk about it now, instead of always running it through my brain over-and-over.
Jeff
Posted by Jeff at June 10, 2003 11:30 PM